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COLUMN
5
Q. What advice would you give to those who are looking for ways to be
really supportive to grieving people?
Youth Services Counselor,
IL
A.
First, I would tell you to not
try to talk the bereaved out of their feelings. Then I would tell you
to be patient by listening to them if they need to speak over and over
about their loved one - listen until you think your ears will fall off.
Then listen some more.
Q.
How do I, as a hospital chaplain, help hospital staff understand the
importance of peoples' grief (their own as well as patients' and their
families' grief), and how do I convince the hospital administration
that death education is important?
Hospital
Chaplain, Minnesota
A.
Generally, hospital
administrators will listen when their bottom ine is being impacted.
I saw a study that showed that 13% of
the attrition
among hospital staff was due to the constant exposure to death and
grief. I call this death saturation™
and I believe it causes some folks to quit their healthcare jobs for
the following reasons: minimal or no staff death and grief education; a
lack of adequate death and grief protocols and no formal facility
mechanism for dealing with staff grief.
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DEATH
FACTS
& FANCY
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was
embalmed and
dressed at home.
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Q.
When delivering a death message, is it a good idea to begin by saying
"I've got bad news for you"?
Highway
Patrol Officer, Nebraska
A.
I've made over 400 death
notifications and I've never used
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these
words. I
believe it's too abrupt and provides no emotional transition whatsoever
for the family. It can prematurely drive the survivors into the trauma membrane™ and
make the death
notification information much more difficult for the family to
absorb..
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DEATH
FACTS
& FANCY
The tradition
of the riderless horse following the
body in a
funeral
procession
dates from ancient
civilizations, when a warrior's horse
was often
sacrificed at his funeral.
The hooded
horse, dressed in cloth or armor, was
saddled and
had an attached saber and reversed
stirrups,
signifying that the horse's master had
fallen and
would ride no more.
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Q. How can I create less emotional distance between me and my patients?
Physician,
Vermont
A.
By not standing at the foot of
the bed; by not folding your arms across your chest; by, with their
permission, sitting on their bed; by touching them just to touch them;
by making close eye contact.
A Canadian study shows that if you do this for sixty
seconds, patients think you spent from seven to ten minutes with them.
Q.
In the nursing profession, when is it inappropriate to cry?
Emergency
Department Nurse, ME
A.
Only when you don't feel like it.
I don't mean to sound flip, but I find it tiresome to hear folks say
they can't cry on the job because they have to pay attention to what's
going on.
There have been many times in my professional life
when
I've been intensely focused on the task at hand and tears have been
streaming down my face.
I don't accept that we can't perform and be
emotionally
responsive at the same time. After all, my tears weren't interfering
with my
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concentration,
they
were a result
of my
concentration.
Q.
How do I help employees deal with the suicide of a fellow employee?
Nursing
Home Administrator, WV
A.
I believe it's important to hold
a staff crisis intervention within 24 hours of the suicide and, in
order to include those on all shifts, it will probably be necessary to
hold more than one.
Answer accurately all the factual questions you
can, while
at the same time respecting any privacy requests made by the family of
the dead employee.
If it's general knowledge that the employee
committed
suicide, I wouldn't hide that information from the residents. They're
not stupid and many of them will recognize from staff demeanor that
something is wrong.
When they ask what's the matter, simply tell them
the
person died and you're really sad about it. If the residents then ask
how they died, and if it's all right with the victim's family that you
discuss the manner of death, answer the residents truthfully - talking
can help soften the pain and shock.
Being truthful with the residents reinforces that
your
facility is truly a community of people who are just trying to help
each other get through a tough time.
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